Impressions: Omega DLC for Mass Effect 3

So I finally managed to get my hands on the Omega DLC for Mass Effect having *ahem* completely forgotten to download it during my first play-through.

Please consider this fair warning: SPOILERS AHOY! 

Omega, baby!

Firstly, it's great to be back on Omega! This was categorically one of my favourite locations from ME2, offering a perfect counterpoint to the Citadel.  I loved roaming around its bleak interiors - particularly during the mission to recruit Mordin - but I always felt slightly disappointed that you never got to go more than 'skin deep', visiting a few linked locations in what felt like very close proximity.

This DLC is definitely the tonic for that particular malaise.

When you first bump into 'pirate queen' Aria T'Loak on the Citadel in ME3, she has been displaced from Omega by Cerberus, with the human supremacists/indoctrinated Reaper agents having gained complete control of the station.

Aria wants it back and she's going to use Shepherd to get it because, "I only recruit the best".  Aw shucks.

Aria: blue.

Following some preamble on the Citadel, the opening cinematic is an impressive introduction, with a stolen Cerberus cruiser breaking the blockade around the station before the rest of Aria's assembled mercenary fleet arrives.

Once on board the station, we are back to familiar territory, with a series of objectives that any player with even a passing relationship with the series will find familiar: shut down object A; go to location B; find an alternative route to checkpoint C, and so on.

Having had to ditch their damaged ship via escape pods, the first task is to find some allies (which gets a tongue in cheek "story of my life" response from Shepherd that is only one eye-roll away from breaking the fourth wall), which in this case are the Talon mercenaries first encountered in ME2.

The majority of the game involves Shepherd and Aria taking a circuitous route around Cerberus force fields to reach Afterlife and regain control of the station, from the dastardly, moustache-twirling* General Oleg Petrovsky.

You are joined intermittently by Nyreen Kandros, a former member of the Turian Military and new head of the Talons (that was a spoiler, by the way...just in case you ignored the warning at the start).

Aria is a decent squadmate, bringing a number of powerful biotics (most notably the impressive and potentially devastating 'Flare' and the energy-sapping 'Reave') to the fight along with her cocky banter and 'Golden God' mentality.

The same can't be said for Nyreen, who I didn't feel brought anything particularly new or interesting to the combat, beyond a balance in the weapon loadouts (pistol and assault rifle against T'Loak's shotgun and SMG) and some additional firepower to take down the waves of Cerberus troops. Oh, and awesome Turian armour.

Nyreen: Sweet armour

During the cutscenes, however Nyreen comes into her own, acting as a foil to Aria. You may as well have one on each shoulder, with Aria's gung-ho, at-all-costs attitude tempered by Nyreen's unbendable code to protect the innocent.  The interplay between them is handled beautifully and fits in well with Shepherd's position as neutral peacemaker.

Alongside the standard rogue's gallery of Cerberus troops, Omega offers up a couple of new enemies to get your teeth stuck into.

Rampart Mechs are an update to the previously encountered Loki Mechs. With increased aggression, tactics and weaponry - including a sweet blade that you do NOT want to let get too close to you - these units are far beyond the mere cannon fodder of their predecessors and are enough of a nuisance to cause last-minute tactical rethinks.

And then...there's the adjutants.

Midway through the campaign, Nyreen begins to mention a non-specific terror that is roaming through Omega, butchering everything that it comes in contact with.  This is demonstrated in truly understated fashion by a trail of dead Cerberus troops that you encounter in a powered-down area of the station.

As with all of Mass Effect's survival horror-sections, nothing is going to attack you while the lights are out but the background ambiance including disquieting noises from the unseen menace, the meandering route over industrial catwalks and bridges and deep shadows cast by your torch still managed to raise the hairs on the back of my neck.

The in-game dialogue had seriously hyped these critters and I was expecting to run into some serious opposition.  It was ever so slightly disappointing, then that having faced down my first adjutant it felt a bit...meh.

Grrrr! ...wait, do I have somthing on my face?

While still a potentially devastating foe, the adjutant didn't come close to the terror of facing down multiple banshees with their distance-closing teleports.  What it does offer, however, is a powerful lunge attack that can devastate your shields and an arm-mounted cannon that can deliver seeking biotic projectiles.

As with the Lair of the Shadowbroker DLC for ME2, one of Omega's greatest strengths comes in its lavish backgrounds and views out across the station. The sepia-tinted backdrops, complete with crashing vehicles and criss-crosses of weapons fire are as beautiful as anything on Illium or the Citadel, albeit in a slightly different way.

While Leviathan and From Ashes provid DLC experiences that add considerable depth to the Mass Effect Universe, Omega operates within the established story framework, with the majority of characters, enemies and locations that will be familiar.  The return to the formerly plague-ridden wards where you first meet Mordin was a nice touch, as to was the unavoidable return to Afterlife.

This DLC doesn't offer anything beyond what I had come to expect from the Mass Effect series (move into cover, take down some grunts, focus attention on the bosses, move on) but at the same time, that's one of the things that I love about it.

The additional powers offered by Aria and Nyreen provide a broad pallet of biotic and tech powers and not being able to bring my regular crew with me (Garrus and Javik/Liara) enabled me to utilise a variety of different tactics, several of which I would like to bring back to the Normandy for future missions.

It's worth noting that I entered this campaign with my FemShep on the cusp of Level 60 and while this was a relatively straightforward mission, it was by no means a walk in the park. This is particularly true of the final showdown in Afterlife, where the difficulty is amped up and your squadmates aren't around to help...

* Please note, no moustaches were twirled at any point during the game.

And today's 'Bandwagon Award' goes to...

Congratulations to the Metro, which has demonstrated that you only have to scratch a little way beneath the surface to find its true scaremongering, Daily Mail colours.

The story of Amazon's proposed introduction of eight-rotored octocopter drones to make deliveries direct to your door within 30 minutes of placing an order is either a wonderfully delivered bit of PR, or a true masterstroke in revolutionising the way in which we all receive our parcels.

Below is the story, as it was carried in today's Metro (Tuesday, 3rd December, 2013):

It was when I reached the bottom of the first column that my eye was drawn to the following:

The link here between military drones controlled remotely by trained members of the armed forces and what is essentially every lazy delivery boy's dream Christmas present is tenuous as best, but is another outstanding example of snap journalism tarring all technologies with the same brush.

While there have indeed been instances in the past where military drones have been blamed for the deaths of civilians, what Amazon proposes is an entirely different technology.

I doubt that these little guys will come armed with missiles. 

As our reliance on technologies continues to grow, new developments needs to be introduced and embraced by the general public. Most importantly, it needs to be understood that the same technology can have different applications - something that the Daily Mail breed of journalism will never attempt to understand as long as they can instead feed our fears.

Think before you Tweet: a cautionary tale

Peaches Geldof is potentially in some very hot water indeed.

The daughter of Boomtown Rat Sir Bob, Peaches is facing a potential contempt of court for tweeting the names of two women who allowed Ian Watkins, former singer with the band Lost Prophets, to abuse their children.

The act of tweeting these women’s names to her 160,000 followers is enough that Geldof could find herself facing up to two years in prison, should the Crown Prosecution Service opt to make an example of her and use the full extent of the law.

While you can understand Geldof’s actions - as a mother herself, the shocking actions of Watkins must raise particular levels of bile – they are still in contravention of the law.   

The victims of sexual crimes are granted anonymity for life under the British judicial system. The protection of their identities is sacrosanct and extends to the prevention of publication of any details that could lead to the identification of these people.  Clearly, naming these women could quite easily lead to the identification of the children.

Peaches Geldof

Far from being a stand-alone incident, this is just the latest in a string of examples of people – both celebrities and ordinary Janes and Joes like you or I – who have broken the law by making often flippant or emotionally-fuelled remarks on social media.

With an increasing number of people taking to social media, the risk of poorly worded or ill-considered tweets being in contravention of the law is on the rise.

Take, for instance, Sally Bercow the wife of the Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow.  Mrs Bercow landed herself at the centre of a litigation brought by Lord Alastair McAlpine through her ‘irresponsible use of twitter’.

Her tweet was, of course, subsequently retweeted by some of her 56,000 followers, further spreading the libellous message.

When I was studying for a journalism degree at university, the majority of the second year was given over to provide an understanding of the theory and practice of media law, so I feel comfortable that I’m not going to accidentally defame anyone.

This is, however, clearly not a practical solution to an ongoing problem; people have neither the time nor the inclination to get to grips with the finer points of libel law before sending their first tweets (whether they should is a different conversation for a different time).

Social networks provide us with outlets through which we can broadcast our successes and frustrations and just as in the real world, these often come without the benefit of a filter. 

Particularly in the case of events such as those surrounding Watkins, we can feel that an expression of our anger or frustration across social networks would be no more damaging than to do so with our friends in the pub.

There is an epilogue to this story, featuring another musician called Ian Watkins, although he may be more familiar to many as ‘H’ from the pop band Steps.

A tale of two Watkins. 'H' is on the left. 

Not only has he had to suspend his Twitter account due to the outpouring of misguided abuse from those not careful or willing enough to check that they had the right Ian Watkins, but the US entertainment website E! published his image in error as part of a story on the on-going trial.

The message, therefore, is clear: spare a thought for what you type into that little box on Twitter, because as we are all now publishers so too do we all fall under the auspices of the courts.

This blog was originally written by Dan for the Core Marketing website.

I'm not asking for much...but the Citadel would be nice

One question and slightly irritation that has burned away at me for some time is the lack of commercially available replicas of ships from BioWare's Mass Effect series.

I may well be showing the geekiest of my stripes here, however growing up I remember collecting the Micro Machines packs of ships from Star Wars.  These were nifty collectibles (OK, let's call a spade a spade: they were toys), available in packs of three and encompassing vehicles from every corner of the Star Wars universe.

Please remember: no one ever said I was cool. 

From fan favourite X-Wings, TIE Fighters and Star Destroyers, to rebel ships rarely seen on screen for more than a few fleeting seconds.  One pack even included the 'blink and you miss it' appearance of Luke's T-16 speeder - presumably the same one that he used to bullseye wamprats - which is visible in the background of the farmstead's garage on Tatooine.

While I'd not necessarily expect the same kind of treatment for those vessels that turn up throughout the Mass Effect series, there are still some exceedingly memorable and, lets be honest here, really cool vehicles many of which are available as in-game collectibles that Shepherd can pick up along her/his travels.

These models are then available to view in the Commander's cabin aboard the Normandy. Like this:

That's some fine collectibles you got there, Commander...wanna play?

As a grown-up with an easily disposed-of disposable income, I'm more interested these days in the larger-scale replicas. Something that would look great on a shelf or in a custom built, climate-controlled and hermetically sealed display case. *ahem*

While there are a few commercially available models out there, the range is really limited with a few iterations of the Normandy, an Alliance fighter, Alliance and Turian cruisers and a credit card meltingly expensive model of Sovereign.

And that's it.

What about the Citadel? Where are the wasp-like Geth ships? And what about the Shadow Broker's base? Or Omega? Or the Collectors' Ship?!

Even ground vehicles like the Krogan's six-wheeled tank-slash-APC or the Mako, with it's loose concept of physics would be welcome additions.

With the trilogy having now been put to bed, it's looking doubtful that I'll ever be able to build my own replica of the display case seen in Shepherd's quarters, but should Bioware ever opt to licence out these models at any point in the future, my message is clear:

Five websites to refocus your mind

We all know what it’s like: you’re sitting at your desk, eyes unfocused, staring vaguely through your monitor, one hand resting languidly on your mouse.  You’ve been concentrating on a problem for so long that it no longer makes any sense and you’re experiencing disquieting visions of the future.

This is the time to refocus your mind!

The amount of time that we spend at work has been growing steadily and significantly for the last two decades. Alongside time that we’re physically spending at our desks, we’re also working harder. 

And there really is only so much Red Bull that a body can take.

So what’s the most effective way of clearing your mind to refocus on a problem? Simply put: doing something pointless and pleasant.

The following five websites all fall into that category, providing a series of brief distractions that require very little brain power. It’s like giving your grey cells a sit-down.

Of course, everything should be done in moderation and I need to make it clear (probably for some sort of legal reason) that you should only undertake these activities for a couple of minutes.

This is not an alternative to finalising the figures for the Johnson account.

1 Fly a Line
http://www.barcinski-jeanjean.com/entries/line3d/

There’s something weirdly captivating about Fly A Line. The little line follows your mouse as you move it around, enabling you to swoop it back and around itself in intricate spirals and knots. 

2 Pointer Pointerhttp://www.pointerpointer.com/

It’s the simplicity of this website that makes it so captivating. Leave your mouse in one position on the screen and the next image that comes up will feature someone pointing at your mouse. No no, this isn’t witchcraft, just a clever algorithm.  The real beauty of this site though is the choice of photos. Go on, give it a go.

3 Koalas to the max!http://www.koalastothemax.com/

If any of these selections have got an ‘objective’, then this is it. Move your cursor over each circle to make it ‘pop’ into four more.  That’s it, keep going…

4 Paint a Nebula
http://29a.ch/sandbox/2011/neonflames/

For the more creative amongst us who just can’t find a legitimate reason to bring in their canvas and oils.  Select a colour, drag your mouse across an area of the black screen in front of you and populate a multi-coloured nebula of your own creation.  It’s sort of Bob Ross meets Brian Cox.

5 Weave Silkhttp://weavesilk.com/

Perhaps my favourite and the most complicated, Weave Silk lets you create captivating geometric shapes and patterns from a wide selection of colours. Changing the settings for how many folds in a rotation, whether the pattern is mirrored across the centre or spirals outwards adds additional design dimensions.

It’s like your Spirograph went to Woodstock and never came back.

DISCLAIMER: Please remember that this is not intended to offer you an alternative to getting up from your desk and moving around. In fact, it is highly recommended that you spend some time away from your desk during the day!

Now get back to work!

Top story of the week

My favourite story of the week so far has got to go to the Solar Death Ray that has been terrorising one (very) small section of London.

It's a very localised problem, this Death Ray

An unexpected side-effect of Land Securities' half-completed "Walkie Talkie" on Fenchurch Street in Central London is that the concave, fully glazed surface of the 37-storey building has acted like a parabolic mirror, focussing the sun's rays into one really, really small area in neighbouring Eastcheap.

Apparently reaching temperatures of 90C, the hotspot is not only hot enough to fry an egg, but is roughly the size of a Jaguar XJ...

Says the BBC:

"Land Securities, which is developing the tower with the Canary Wharf Group, says it is working on a solution and has taken the emergency measure of suspending the parking bays beneath the glare."

So that's alright then: just don't park in that superheated patch of focussed sunlight.

A Team of Top Experts has provided assurance, however, that City Boys will only be in danger of the plastic bits of their cars melting for roughly two hours a day for the next two to three weeks.

Until next year, of course.

"MY EYES!"

Reader is dead, long live Flipboard!

The news earlier this year that Google would be retiring its workhorse Reader software was met with a low-level grumbling.

This was, after all, one of the most widely-used RSS readers available on the market and people were understandably miffed, many having spent months or years searching the vastness of the internet to pinpoint the best websites and blogs on a given topic.

Reader brought all of these disparate feeds together, offering you a list of potential topics that could be browsed at your leisure.

Flipboard is the evolution of the reader. And it’s jumped straight from the primordial soup into the driving seat of a Bugatti Veyron.

OK, that may be a slight over-exaggeration, but the clumsiness and clunkiness of Reader was always a bit off-putting.  Flipboard, on the other hand, is smooth as silk and classier than Ron Burgandy’s moustache.

So what is it?

“Flipboard is on a quest to transform how people discover, view and share content by combining the beauty and ease of print with the power of social media.”

Originally created as an iPad app, the popularity of Flipboard soon saw it…er…flip over to the iPhone, before an Android version was brought to the market in 2010.

Formatted as a magazine, Flipboard brings together feeds from numerous partner sources and publications, alongside your own Twitter and Facebook accounts.  This provides you with a beautifully laid out, pictorially-driven magazine, automatically updated with fresh content every time that you open it.

In a rush? The handy Cover Stories section is the aggregator’s aggregator, pulling together the most read and shared stories from your various feeds into one place.

Lovely.

So how does it work?
As with any news app, when first configuring Flipboard you’ll be promoted to tell it what topics you’re interested in. There is a decent selection of starter-for-tens to choose from including all of the usual suspects (art, sport, business, politics, science, etc.) and the option to compile your own magazine from the searchable database of more targeted subject matter.

Opening any of the topics (which are all laid out as their own magazines, by the way) will show you a teaser of the articles within, each of which can be tapped through to the main content.

In turn, the next article is accessed by ‘flipping’ the current screen either vertically on a mobile device or horizontally on the iPad, watching one half fold over the other to reveal the next page beneath.
Clever, huh?

Articles can be saved into your own magazine, favourited or forwarded to friends, acquaintances and colleagues through the usual channels.

Sharing is caring!

Handily, Flipboard comes complete with a ‘Read it Later’ button which really comes into its own if – like me – you find yourself saving several hundred web pages a day to Pocket or Instapaper.

You can even select which web service you want to use to open links. Mind = blown.

As a die-hard Chrome fan, this feels like a step in the right direction. Apple: take note.

Even the menu is designed to enhance your experience, encouraging you to explore other topics and magazines, with a one-click subscribe function that will integrate the content you are browsing with your own magazine, or let you check out all of the content shared by individual contributors.

So is it any good?

Frankly: yes.

Flipboard has raised $60.5 million in funding from a host of financial houses and private individuals, including Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey, Dustin Mokovitz (the other Facebook co-founder) and Ashton Kutcher.

The partners providing the content aren’t particularly small-fry either, with publications of note including the Huffington Post, BBC, Telegraph, Times, NME and Economist.

The ability to incorporate your own Facebook and Twitter feeds into the magazine is a great touch and there is even a ‘Best of Instagram’ magazine available, which should fill your quota of ‘ordinary things looking arty because there’s a black and white filter on them’.

Not only is Flipboard smooth and intuitive, but unbelievably it’s also free.

Download it now from the Apple store and (presumably) from the Android thingy. Marketplace.  That’s the one.

Like nipples on the Batsuit, casting Ben Affleck could be another terrible decision by Warner Brothers

It was all going so well: Christopher Nolan had successfully breathed life back into the Batman franchise, creating an outstanding story arc that took the Bruce Wayne/Batman character neatly from cradle-to-grave, from origin story to the hanging-up of the cape and cowl.

Batman's gadgets were believable (within the context of any comic book movie), his allies and enemies were superbly crafted and the moral ambiguity of his self-appointed vigilante role as Gotham's defender was well balanced.

As with Inception, Nolan didn't pander to the audience and brought a back-to-basics approach to the character, eschewing the neon playground and nippled-Batsuit of the disastrous Schumacher years and drawing inspiration for each film from the storylines of the major comic book arcs themselves (including seminal titles such as Knightfall, The Man Who Laughs and No Man's Land).

The curtain falling on the third and final chapter of The Dark Knight Trilogy came with a sense of closure; this journey was over and it had set a remarkable precedent for all comic book movies to follow.

Then this morning it was announced that Ben Affleck will be playing Batman in Zack Snyder's next Man of Steel film, due out in 2015 (the Guardian summarised some of the Twitter comments on this topic here).

This could go either way.

Whatever your thoughts on Christian Bale, his delivery of Bruce Wayne was impressive and honest: broken and at times fragile, Wayne was trapped in a state of emotional arrested development, using the grief of the loss of his parents to focus his pain and anger at the injustice of the world around him.

As with Daniel Craig's current tuxedoed tenure as 007, The Dark Knight Trilogy offered something of a fresh start for both character and franchise, making it darker, grittier and hyper-real.

And this, I think, was part of the success of these movies: their representation of a flawed, broken and imperfect hero is zeitgeist, speaking to audiences grown cynical of the squeaky-clean image of heroes on the silver screen.

Therein lies my major concern: Affleck's previous pedigree as an actor is shaky at best and with his past so-so performances and lack of charisma hanging like a reputational millstone around his neck, it's difficult to say whether or not he will have the gravitas and depth of character to pull off a convincing portrayal of Bruce Wayne.

He has, of course, had moments of greatness, although they tend to be few and far-between. Changing Lanes with Samuel L Jackson was excellent, as were his turns in Dazed and Confused and of course Good Will Hunting. 

Whether or not this appointment is political and they're trying to woo him into directing the impending Justice League movie (as one friend pointed out this morning), my great fear is that Ben Affleck is going to bring the same level of charisma-free delivery that he did in Daredevil.

Remember this? Urgh. 

The Dark Knight Trilogy wasn't without it's flaws, of course, with plot-holes, issues with Bale's whisky-and-cigarettes delivery and the bizarre God-like voice of Bane in Rises. This was balanced against an outstanding supporting cast throughout all three films (Michael Cane, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Heath Ledger, et al) which tugged the movie along through its poorer moments and helped you to overlook its inadequacies.

In Man of Steel, Snyder's offering was everything that a blockbuster should be: big, noisy, visually impressive and above all fun, with great turns from Michael Shannon and Henry Cavill. It, too, was imperfect, littered with plot-holes, shaky dialogue and incredible leaps of faith on the part of the viewer (Zod having his ass handed to him by a scientist at the start of the film despite his assertions that he was bred to be a perfect warrior was one of my favourites). 

While we are more readily accepting of these bumps in the narrative road, the question or whether or not Affleck will be able to cut the mustard as Wayne without turning Batman into a two-dimensional, one trick pony remains to be seen.

"Is it cold in here?"

Affleck is undoubtedly a talented film-maker and since 2010's The Town, his star is once again in the ascendancy, with a number of films currently in production, however he has proven recently that his real talent lie behind rather than in front of the camera.

As with George Clooney's turn as Gotham's Dark Knight - and Val Kilmer before him - it's been proven that it takes more than a popular actor with a good jaw line to play a convincing and reputable Bruce Wayne/Batman.

I like to keep an open mind and am hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised by an impressive turn from a third-rate actor best remembered as being Mr Jennifer Lopez, rather than Warner Brothers consigning one of its most successful franchises to the scrap heap of sentimentality.

But then again I'm an optimistic soul.

Falling down

I am unashamedly a huge fan of people falling over. There is, as far as I'm concerned, very little that comes close to seeing the look on someone's face at the second they realise that gravity has got the better of them, particularly if it is also accompanied by a flailing-of-limbs.

All the better if they also disappear completely from view.

It may well be schadenfreude, but this particular incident of a Sky Sports report apparently taking a dive for no reason whatsoever is a perfectly good example of all of these elements coming together beautifully:

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/video/2013/aug/14/sky-sports-news-reporter-falls-over-video

While it may be childish, I'm clearly not alone: there's a reason why You've Been Framed endures on the Saturday afternoon schedule!

The first infographic?

This is something a bit special that I stumbled across yesterday, a history of human civilisation in a single (albeit not necessarily very easy to follow) infographic.

Created in 1931 by John B Sparks, 'The Histomap' outlines four thousand years of human history, charting  the rise and fall of cultures and civilisations. Tracing the undulating, bulging and contracting columns provides a brilliant and easily digestible visual indication of not only the size and influence, but also the longevity of these civilisations.

You can trace the Egyptian civilisation, for instance, from its broad-shouldered beginning (albeit halfway through the Middle Dynasty) at the top of the chart to a barely perceptible trickle that creeps its way down to finally meet up with the enormous bulge of the Roman Empire.

Others - such as the Ethiopians - disappear almost as soon as they have appeared, whilst the Huns remain an unassuming yellow line on the right hand side of the chart until the rise of the Mongolians around 450AD.

The clear layout and flow of the Histomap also demonstrates the evolution of different groups within a single civilisation, as highlighted through the ebb and flow of various Indian groups, all within the same, unbroken band.

Click on the smaller version below to zoom in.

See here for the full article.

Alpha Papa is top of the UK box office, just where it belongs

I am very, very happy that Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa is currently at the top of the UK box office. 

I went to see it on Saturday and while Steve Coogan's greatest creation has never put a foot wrong (figuratively) in his endless hunt for fame and recognition on the small screen, there is always a sense of trepidation when it comes to anything-to-film conversions.

What if the studio gets in the way and demands changes? What if the script writing just isn't up to it? What if, what if, what if.

All fears were assuaged within the first five minutes, however, as what turned out to be the most consistently funniest 90 minutes that I've spent in a cinema for some time unfolded in front of me. 

Primarily, this is a film for fans with many a knowing nod and wink to Partridge's previous desperate clamber up the greasy pole of fame - charted so ably through two series of I'm Alan Partridge (1997) - following his monumental fall from the public eye after shooting a man dead with an antique pistol, live on his BBC chat show Knowing Me Knowing You (1994). 

Monkey Tennis, anyone?

By the time of 2010's Mid Morning Matters (and following a breakdown that involved a great deal of Toblerone), Alan had carved himself a comfortable niche at hyperlocal, DAB-only radio station North Norfolk Digital. 

And this is where we rejoin his story, as unhinged former employee Pat Farrell (played by the always watchable Colm Meaney) takes the station hostage in retaliation for being fired as part of a corporate buy-out. Believing Alan to be his only true friend at the station, Pat demands that Alan be his intermediary with the police, firmly putting Partridge back in the spotlight of the ensuing media glare.

The part where he appears outside the front of the building attached to an unseen Farrell with a rope to bargain with the police is truly exceptional. As is the sight of Alan breaking back in to the siege from which he's just accidentally escaped.

"I am siegeface"

Coogan is absolutely perfect as the aging Partridge, with the familiar supporting cast including his long-suffering, Jesus-loving PA, Lynn (Felicity Montague), sidekick Simon (Tim Key) who spends most of the film gaffa taped to a swivel chair, and former petrol station attendant and full-time Geordie, Michael (Simon Greenwell) all returning to help or hinder in their own way. 

Alongside the regulars are Spy actor Darren Boyd as a hostage negotiation expert left dumbstruck by the bumbling Partridge and serial growler Sean Pertwee providing his usual gravel-voiced hardman, this time in the guise of a police firearms specialist. 

At the heart of it, this is a movie about local radio and Partridge's magnetic return to the microphone at any available opportunity to pose questions to his listeners (such as whether or not you should provide a Christmas tip for a binman who has refused to dispose of a broken toaster) mid-siege, are gentle reminders that despite his lofty desires, this is truly where the Partridge roosts. 

Alpha Papa is a movie that taps-in to the heart of everything that has made Alan Partridge the legend of British comedy that he is today: the desperation not to be forgotten, complete social incompetence, rampant opportunism and overwhelming ego all drive Alan in a way that - while brilliantly farcical - Coogan makes believable within the context of the story. 

Partridge (left) and dog

With stalwart Partridge writers Coogan, Armando Iannucci and Peter Baynham putting together the story (along with screenwriting due Neil and Rob Gibbons) and with Iannucci's previous small-to-big-screen success in the shape of In the Loop (2009), this was always going to be in safe hands.  

Some of the moments are truly outrageously funny, such as Alan's daydream sequence, his plan of escape from the unhinged Farrell and in particular, Michael's 'distraction' near the end of the film, all of which are brilliantly played-out pieces of left-field physical comedy. 

The pace of the movie is matched by the machine-gun laughs, many of which Coogan can engender through Partridge's wry facial expressions, or - as with one instance - by just walking down a hallway. This film is by no means perfect and the final act fumbles its way along to a 'winner-by-default' conclusion, but any and all of its inadequacies can be forgiven. 

If you weren't aware of Alan Partridge before then you may not take away as much from this film as someone who grew up with Coogan's comic creation but I'd wager that you'd still leave the cinema satisfied that this was 90 minutes well spent. 

'CBD Music Takeover' set to take over CBD, unsurprisingly.

I quite like Birmingham: it's friendly, multicultural, metropolitan without the crushing weight of tourists that makes London heave at weekends and everything is walkable. 

This last point in particular is one reason why the recent focus on the city's regeneration - as laid out in the City Council's Big City Plan - is so important. You don't just dive straight into a cab or underground station to get around the city and this makes the need to have a pleasant environment all the more important.  

While areas like the city's under-appreciated and wasteland-like Eastside are receiving some much-needed love and attention - particularly noticeable in the form of the new City Park - the city centre has also received a boost, with areas like the award-winning Church Street public realm springing up, providing an attractive outdoor space in the middle of the city's sometimes quite dower Central Business District (CBD).

And it's great to see that this space, along with a number of others, will be the focus of a two-day music festival. 

The award-winning public realm at Church Street, Birmingham

Running from 12 - 13 September, the two day CBD Music Takeover will (according to the CBD's website) "showcase the region's emerging talent as well as established artists across a range of music genres". 

Performances are due to take place across a number of the District's indoor and outdoor spaces. 

This is yet another string to the bow of Birmingham's burgeoning musical scene and will be an outstanding opportunity to profile up-and-coming artists to a broad audience of suited 9-5'ers whose commute may limit their ability to get down to established music venues like the Flapper or Hare & Hounds. 

The full line-up is due to be published shortly on the CBD website - check in for details. 

Once you go black...

About a year ago, I started drinking coffee black.

I don't know what facilitated this change in my habits, but it seems to fit into a decade-long pattern: I went from milk with three sugars (yes, I know) to milk with one, to just the coffee.

And I like it.

Twin Peaks' FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper, renowned coffee aficionado.

In fact, I have no idea why I ever drank it with milk in the first place. In its unadulterated form, coffee is what other beverages dream that they might be when the grow up: strong, flavoursome and with that caffeine burst that kicks you in the back of the knee, slaps you around the head and screams "GOOD MORNING!" right in your face.

But it's also much more subtle and I have - I'm sorry to admit - become something of a coffee snob since going 'no lait'. While I still guzzle back freeze-dried instant - because who has time to percolate on a school day, right? - the cheaper brands just don't cut it anymore. Instant coffee is the epitome of a utilitarian solution.

This has resulted in my becoming less forgiving towards those outlets that use poor quality beans, or murder them during the brewing process.

A bold statement

Now, when I buy a to-go coffee, whether from Starbucks, Costa or *shudder* Nero, I tend to order a latte. There are a couple of reasons for this: a black coffee will generally take too long to cool down on its own (and I'm a gulper with little/no patience) and the milk can easily cover any bean-related sins. Or at least take the edge off.

There is a cafe that I walk past every day but never enter (their idea of 'breakfast' is fruit, porridge and seeds - I doubt that there is any bacon on the premises) but once - feeling that pang of caffeine desire - I went in and ordered a coffee.

It was a  small black coffee to go and was without question the worst cup of coffee that I've ever had.

Seriously.

Where was the flavour? The taste (not the burnt aftertaste, mind - there was plenty of that) was almost non existent. It was watery and thin and wanted to be put out of its misery. If I'd there had been a nearby barn, I would have taken this coffee around the back of it with a shotgun and done the merciful thing. *

I digress. Coffee is wonderful: it's good for you or at least not bad for you if as with anything else in life it is taken in moderation.

Although not, as it turns out, with milk and sugar.

This guy.

* You know what, I don't think that they deserve anonymity for such a reprehensible brew.  It was Yorks on Newhall Street.  FOR SHAME!

Plague Inc. has completely infected me

It's no secret that I like games. I remember playing a lot of games in my (often misspent) childhood and so being essentially addicted to the iPhone, it's only natural that these two things come together in the form of what feels like several thousand pounds spent at the App Store.

It does, however, sometimes seem that like the iconographic trope of the snake eating its own tale, often the games industry will create an infinite loop of absurdity, generally through unnecessary money making spin-offs.

For instance, I have spent many, many hours competing on Words with Friends (to varying degrees of success), only to read recently that they are going to make a board game out of the app. Surely this is just Scrabble, no?

In order to avoid this cyclical nightmare (oh, another jumping game? Really?!) I'm always on the lookout for different, innovative ways of chipping away at my free time.

Most recently, this has manifested itself through Plague Inc., an indie game developed by one-man-band  Ndemic Creations.

OK, I'm a bit behind the times on this one as the game was initially released a year ago, has been downloaded over 10 million times, was a runner-up at the 2012 IGN Game of the Year Awards, but it's rare for a game to get under my skin (no pun intended) in the way that Plague Inc. has managed.

The main display: simple and intuitive, letting you get on with infection!

A global domination-style strategy game, Plague Inc. puts you in control of an infectious disease, with the overall objective of infecting and killing every person on the planet. Nice. You pick a starting country from which to infect your patient zero and then progress through the game by tweaking transmission methods, symptoms and special abilities, such as drug resistance or durability in hot/cold climates.

These abilities are upgraded through specific trees, with each level purchased through DNA Points, the in-game currency, which are earned by ensuring widespread infection.

The 'Transmission' tree: note the three bars at the bottom

As well as being frustratingly difficult at times, Plague Inc. offers an immense replay value, with each of the unlockable plague types - ranging from the humble starting Bacteria to a fully-fledge BioWeapon via Virus, Fungus, Parasite, Prion and NanoVirus-type infections.

New plague types are unlocked by eliminating humanity in the Normal or Brutal game types, while the sandbox-style Casual setting lets you infect a world where no one washes their hands, research doctors essentially sleep at their desk and 'sick people are given hugs' to really explore your plague potential.

Humans can, however, fight back against your plague: the more terrifying the disease, the faster the global scientific community will start to work on a cure. While this process can be delayed by spending precious DNA Points, success in anything except Causal mode will require the careful balancing of transmission, severity and lethality with each plague type affecting these modifiers in its own way.

Upgrade your plague's abilities, making it stronger and harder to eliminate

Development of different resistance and transmission-types can be amended throughout the game, depending on the region that you're trying to infect.

Basically, if you create a hemorrhagic monster that turns people inside out, you're going to generate a lot of attention, which means that the games version of the World Health Organisation is going to put you on the watch-list and start working on a cure almost immediately, further amping the game's difficulty.

As the goal of the game is to kill all humans, not just infect them, it can often be a race against time as you try to find ways of infecting the populations of countries that have sealed their borders before a cure can be delivered.

Checking on your disease's progress is assisted through a huge number of different charts and graphs, which can help you to understand how your plague is shaping up and where you need to focus your attention to secure maximum infection.

One of Plague Inc's many handy graphs!

Basically, Plague Inc. is like Risk, only you're microscopic and playing against the whole world.

Plague Inc. elevates itself above other, similar strategy games through its ingenious approach to the genre, with a dark and slightly silly sense of humour and real-life modelling of infection.

Now please wash your hands and download this game from the App Store.

You can name your plague! I called mine 'Shatner'.